People Pleasing
How to Stop People Pleasing When You Lead a Business
Wondering how to stop people pleasing when you lead a business? It starts with the pattern underneath the automatic yes. I’m Nicky Anstey, a multi award winning Leadership Mindset Rewiring Specialist and executive psychotherapist, and at Transform to Perform Coaching I help founders, business owners and senior leaders who keep putting everyone else first. My trademarked REWIRE Method™ changes that unconscious pattern, so you can hold your position with confidence. I see clients face to face across Surrey and the South East, and online across the UK and internationally.
- Multi Award-Winning Executive Psychotherapist
- Master NLP Coach & Master Hypnotherapist
- 1,000+ Clients Over 15 Years
Does this sound like you?
When saying yes is costing you
People pleasing tends to show up at the exact moments you need to hold your ground. A tricky board conversation. A conflict in your team. A negotiation.
See if any of these ring a bell.
- You change your position in the room before you’ve decided to
- You say yes when you mean no
- You’re always available
- You worry about disappointing people
- Everyone else’s priorities come before your own
When I interviewed Joe Wicks, we talked about how people pleasers feel the effects of other people’s poor behaviour the most.
What's really going on underneath
People pleasing often looks like kindness. Underneath, it’s a fear of disappointing others, and a wired response to the threat of disapproval or conflict.
It creates what I call an inverted priority pyramid. Your own needs and direction end up at the bottom, crushed under the weight of everyone else’s. It’s tiring, because the effort of managing how everyone sees you never stops.
Over time it adds to the extreme pressure that leads to burnout. I explain how it feeds off perfectionism and imposter syndrome in the three patterns behind every high achiever burnout.
Why knowing you do it doesn't stop it
You can know exactly what you’re doing and still say yes the next time the pressure is on.
Most approaches work on the conscious mind, with insight, strategy and good intentions. Meanwhile the pattern runs underneath, faster than you can catch it. People pleasing lives at the unconscious, emotional level, so that’s where the change has to happen. It’s the same reason insight does not fix imposter syndrome.
Who this is for
The leaders I help
I help founders, business owners and senior leaders who are succeeding on the outside but carrying extreme pressure underneath. People pleasing rarely turns up on its own. It often runs alongside perfectionism and imposter syndrome, and plenty of my clients find all three at once.
My base is in Elstead in Surrey, between Farnham, Godalming, Haslemere and Guildford. I meet clients face to face across Surrey and the South East, including London, Hampshire, Kent and Sussex, and work online with leaders across the UK and internationally.
How I can help you stop people pleasing
Two things you can start today
Stop pleasing others at the expense of yourself. You can’t be everything to everyone, and putting your own needs first is essential.
Let go of needing everyone’s approval. People’s opinions of you are filtered through their own experiences, biases and insecurities. Their rule book is not your rule book.
Find out what’s driving it
The people pleasing page in my Diagnosis Room and my extreme pressure hub show you what’s running underneath the pressure.
Talk it through with me
A free Reset Call is your chance to tell me what’s going on. It’s one to one, confidential, and there’s no obligation.
Rewire it at the root
Through my eight-week, one to one REWIRE Coaching Programme, I use the REWIRE Method™, which blends NLP, clinical hypnotherapy, psychotherapy and nutritional science. We focus on the patterns and on moving forward, so we only look back at your past if it’s relevant. When the pattern changes, the authority, assertiveness and confidence you need are there in the board conversation, the team conflict and the negotiation. You can find out more about people pleasing coaching with me.
Ready for a chat?
Learning how to stop people pleasing when you lead a business starts with a conversation about what’s behind it for you. Ring me on 07795 467090, email nicky@transformtoperformcoaching.com, or fill in the form below. All my details are on my contact page too.
Who I am
Hi, I'm Nicky
For over 15 years I’ve helped more than 1,000 business owners and leaders, and I’m a multi award winning Leadership Mindset Rewiring Specialist and executive psychotherapist.
My own corporate career ended in burnout, and that’s what sent me to study neuroscience. I’m now a Master NLP Coach, Master Hypnotherapist, Master Life and Business Coach and Registered Nutritionist, with training in psychotherapy, and I built the REWIRE Method™ from all of it. You may have seen my work in Men’s Health. There’s more about me and how it all started if you want the longer version.
Hold Your Position Without the Pressure
A free, confidential chat with me about the people pleasing pattern, and how we can change it together.
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Twenty minutes, one to one with Nicky.
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